What is masturbation?
Masturbation is often the first sexual experience people have. It means to stimulate yourself in a sexual way by touching and rubbing your genitals and other parts of your body for sexual pleasure. Masturbation usually (but not always) leads to an orgasm.
'Masturbation can be done by hand, or with a sex toy – some women can even do it by rubbing their thighs together. And a small minority of women can do it with no genital contact at all,' says Webber. 'Such stimulation often leads to orgasm, but not invariably, as many women enjoy stroking themselves and experiencing pleasure that does not necessarily culminate in a climax.'
If you feel embarrassed about masturbating, it may reassure you to know that most women do it. In fact, research shows 78 per cent of British women pleasure themselves regularly and the average women masturbates around 4.1 times per week, so you are certainly not alone.
How do women masturbate?
Masturbation is a great way to boost your mood and ease tension in your body. If you're a first-timer and have no idea where to start, or you've masturbated before and just want to improve your technique, try Carlyle Jansen's Sex Yourself: The Woman's Guide to Mastering Masturbation for an in-depth knowledge of the history, tricks and tips of solo play.
Alternatively, OMGYes is a site dedicated to educating females on how to create better, more enjoyable orgasms. The site uses videos, touch-screen tutorials, demonstrations and honest discussions to help teach women ways to intensify their pleasure through clitoral stimulation. Masturbation, like most things, takes practice. And the only way to learn about your own sexual response is to try it, so get stuck in!
Benefits of masturbation
Aside from the fact that it feels good, from stress reduction to improved sleep and even help with menstrual cramps, masturbation comes with a number of health benefits. Research has also found that masturbation can protect against cervical infections, as orgasms regularly flex the cervix.
According to Webber, learning to pleasure yourself comes with a number of proven health benefits:
- Masturbation can ease abdominal cramps during your period.
- Pleasuring yourself at bedtime can help to send you off to sleep.
- Masturbating for sexual pleasure can boost your mood and reduce stress.
- Lots of people enjoy masturbation as part of foreplay with their partners.
- Many women touch themselves during sex to reach orgasm too.
If that's not enough to convince you to double-click your mouse, masturbation also benefits your relationships. Think that self-love is a selfish act? Think again! People who masturbate regularly are more in-tune with their own sexual desires, which translates into great sex in the bedroom with your partner too. You can learn a great deal about your own sexual response through masturbation, and then pass on what you have discovered to any partner – male or female – to benefit your shared sex life.
Most women can learn to masturbate and to reach orgasm – and our 37 tips below should help you to achieve this. If you don't yet know exactly what it is you enjoy sexually or what it takes for you to reach orgasm, now is the time to start practising!
37 masturbation tips for women
For advice on getting started, try our masturbation tips for women and people with vaginas. But anyone can read them to gain a greater understanding of female sexuality. And if it turns you on in the process, bonus!
To put these tips into practise and maximise your pleasure and satisfaction, find a quite place where you won't be interrupted such as your bedroom or the shower:
1. Think of masturbation as self-care
The first step to sexual gratification? Stop thinking about masturbation as a dirty little secret. 'It’s a perfectly healthy thing to do, with a myriad of health benefits,' says sex therapist Mia Sabat. 'By framing masturbation as part of your self-care routine, instead of something to feel embarrassed about, you can explore your body with comfort and confidence.'
2. Relax and caress yourself
The next step to enjoying self pleasure is to relax, so begin by taking a shower, or a long, scented bubble bath. We suggest investing in some luxurious bath foam or shower gel, such as the Neom organics luxury bath foam. Soap your body all over and enjoy touching your breasts and your clitoris and vagina in particular.
3. Set the mood
While you're experimenting, it's important to feel relaxed and set the mood. 'At this point, as long as you know that you're in no danger of being disturbed, move to your bedroom,' suggests Webber. 'Make sure that it is warm and comfortable. Put on some relaxing music if you like. And just enjoy yourself.'
4. Get to know your body
Once you're nice and relaxed and you've explored yourself in the shower, dry yourself carefully, then rub your favourite lotion all over your body. 'Keep touching your body everywhere – it might be a good idea to stand in front of a mirror while you do it, so that you can get into the habit of looking at it and getting used to the sight and feel of it,' suggests Webber.
5. Romance yourself
Just because you’re going solo, doesn’t mean that you have to skip the romance. Light some candles, put on your favourite perfume and dim the lights to really set the mood. 'This is your own personal adventure, and something to enjoy, so don’t rush it or sell yourself short – this is about treating yourself in exactly the way you want to be treated, and you deserve the best,' says Sabat.
6. Watch yourself in the mirror
If you're not familiar with your own body, spend some time getting to know yourself by using a mirror. Watching yourself can be incredibly arousing and empowering as well as informative. 'Lie down on your bed and use a mirror to look at your private and intimate places,' suggests Webber. Alternatively sit in front of a tall mirror and see how your body responds when you touch yourself.
7. Lube up
We produce lubricant naturally when we become aroused, so if you feel slippery and wet this is perfectly normal. However if you feel a bit nervous it may help to add some lubrication to get things going. 'Gently spread your labia and use a spot of lube. There are very nice modern ones that increase the sensuousness of the occasion – such as Liquid Silk. But if you don't have any lubrication, saliva also works,' says Webber.
8. Find your pelvic floor muscles
While exploring yourself, get to know your pelvic floor muscles. These are the muscles which support the womb, bladder, and bowels, but also play an important role in sex. 'Try to tighten and relax the muscles at the base of the pelvis,' says Webber. 'If you find it difficult to know whether you're doing this successfully, try inserting a couple of fingers inside your vagina. That way, you'll be able to feel whether you're tightening and relaxing the muscles or not.'
9. Explore your vaginal lips
Because the opening of the vagina is often seen as an entry point, it’s not unusual for this area to be neglected. For some, playing with your lips can often be even more pleasurable and intense than deeper penetration. 'Experimenting with your vagina is called shallowing,' says Sabat. 'Try exploring your vaginal entry by moving your fingers or preferred sex toy with gentle, soft motions. Be patient, and stay within the first inch of your vagina to build increasingly intense sensations – and yes, this can lead to orgasm.'
10. Explore inside
Some women and people with vaginas prefer masturbation if they can feel something inside at the same time as they stimulate the clitoris – so try touching yourself internally or use a rabbit vibrator. 'If you now tighten and relax the muscles in rapid succession you will feel contractions of the kind that many women experience when having an orgasm,' says Webber.
11. Try erotic fiction
While you touch yourself, you might like to look at something that turns you on such as pictures, a porn film, or a sexy book. Some people like to look at graphic pictures of people having sex, while others are more turned on by words – so try reading just a few pages of an erotic novel to seriously turn the heat up.
12. Take your time
As the sexual tension rises, keep going. But do what feels right for you, as there's no hurry. 'If you have never previously masturbated to orgasm, you might suddenly feel tired and want to stop. Or you may be nervous about the build up of excitement in your body. Don't worry about this. Just take your time. And if you don't want to go on right now, then that's fine. You can always try again another day,' says Webber.
13. Enjoy the orgasmic rush
So what happens next? 'Eventually, the pleasant feelings will build up and you'll be comfortable with this and increasingly excited and you won't want to stop,' says Webber. 'When that happens, you will almost certainly suddenly experience a huge rush of ecstatic feeling and you will bring yourself to orgasm.' Bingo!
14. Nipple play
Nipples are a very sensitive area of the body, and one of the key erogenous zones. When masturbating, experiment with your breasts and nipples to find out how (and if!) you like them to be touched. 'Relax, take your time and enjoy exploring this often under-appreciated part of your body,' says Sabat. 'In time, you may even find that you can reach orgasm through nipple play alone.'
15. Map out your erogenous zones
If this is your first time then you will likely enjoy stroking and rubbing your clitoris. But as you will discover, sex and masturbation can be about much more than just the clitoris. 'Everyone has unique parts of their body which they love being touched, or gain arousal from,' says Sabat. 'You’d be surprised where you can find them – but the best places to start are often sensitive areas like your earlobes, neck and inner thighs, so experiment and see what works for you.'